Redlow.net

Welcome to redlow.net, an ancient place of power birthed from the remains of an abandoned roman internet super highway. A site so antique, it's everything and nothing at once. Once in a blue moon I might update a thing.

HomeExchange with Nabisco

[ Filed under:  ]

Dear Nabisco,

You're not the elf guys right? Cause lemme tell you, I don't like elf cookies. I always thought there was something fishy about 2-inch tall people making cookies... How do I know some elf fingers don't fall in? They'd be so small, you'd never notice. At any rate, I have a question about your Oreos.

Right. Oreos. I was wondering why your Oreo packages aren't resealable. I bought some about two days ago.. and of course, I immediately was excited and began to tear into the package to get to the tasty delicious treats. Upon beginning this task, I met my first hurdle as the plastic seemed to be bound together by some mystical force that would not bend to my will no matter how much strength I used to open the Oreo package. (Elven magic, perhaps? You elves... you will meet your demise, mark my words)

By mystical powers of my own, however, I was finally able to open the package (read: I used a knife). To my horror, the plastic packaging ripped rather easily after that. In fact, half the package tore completely open, exposing the scrumptious black and white treats within! Little did I know at the time, this would cause consequences that would bring me to my knees in tears. At that moment, however, I was mostly concerned with losing an Oreo should it fall out of the exposed rip in the plastic.

So I set them down on a table and began my snack fest.

As much as I like a good Oreo, I couldn't eat them all. I tried to seal the package with tape.. but that looked stupid. So I tried a paperclip.. and then considered stapling it shut, but by then, it hardly seemed worth the effort. Two days later, I returned to the Oreos, my cravings for chocolately goodness roaring like a mad river.

Alas! I discovered that my precious Oreos were stale! As I mentioned, I fell to my knees and sobbed uncontrollably. Why had my Oreos betrayed me! Why must they turn to evil? I immediately realized the cause. It was obvious. The elves. Their accursed elven magic fouled my Oreos. Sadly, I ate them anyway, disappointed in their slightly less drool-inducing flavor.

A thought occurred to me though, which is why I write this email. What if Nabisco could develop some type of counter curse against this elven magic? A device so ingenious that no Elf hex or voodoo could spoil the delicious flavor of the Oreo? A barrier. This barrier I have devised I have named... The resealable package.

Imagine! No more lost Oreos, falling out of the package and rolling off the table, to their doom. No more Elven curses. No more Elven treachery!

Please let me know what you think of this magical concept.

I look forward to the day, someday, when the world's Oreos are safe from those sneaky elves.

Yours,
Nick Westendorf
###@redlow.net

Their Reply.

August 25, 2005

Mr. Nick R. Westendorf
((address removed - ed))
Chicago IL

Dear Mr. Westendorf,

Thanks for taking the time to let us know about your recent experience with OREO Chocolate Sandwich Cookies. There's nothing more important to us than giving you, and every one of our consumers, high-quality products.

For that reason, we were sorry to hear that your purchase did not meet your expectations. Please know that we will do everything we can to help ensure your complete satisfaction in the future.

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts. It's feedback like yours that we use to continually improve the products we offer. I am enclosing reimbursement for OREO Chocolate Sandwich Cookies and hope that your next experience with one of our products is a good one.

Sincerely,
((signature))
Kim McMiller
Associate Director, Consumer Relations,
Ref: ((reference number removed))
enclosure